Hello there...
Sorry, my last post was a little depressing. I had a lot of anxiety. Now it's all gone! I'm my happy self lol. Today is Sunday, which means, blogging time!!!YaY! I am happy I have this blog. I created it a long time ago, I didn't know how long it would be "up and running" but I am glad it still is.
I admit it. I have lost sight of what is really important. There has been so much going on. Friends, family, a little drama and my cats getting ill sometimes... It is complicated, this thing called life. Today is Sunday. The Sabbath. Some things are easy to remember. Some things we need to be reminded of. Usually, every morning I listen to music via Spotify. Actually, yes, Every Morning. lol. I have started choosing better music, that is more spiritual/not so "worldly". I still like me some rap etc. but I try to choose music with better lyrics. Not so much swearing etc. I.E. UPLIFTING music. I also try to read better books. Not so sexy, not so violent etc. Now, do not get me wrong, I have never read 50 shades lol, I am very sensitive to the influences, so I have started reducing sexy books that are not always "considered" sexy books etc. It's pretty easy.
I have noticed that my mind slips to "worldly" things pretty often. Like not always 100% focused on the Lord. I know, it is pretty impossible, but I strive to think of Him as often as possible. When I find my mind slipping down to the depths of something, e.g. despair (lol), I try to remember Jesus and that He has suffered for my sins, depression, trials and other problems, so that I DO NOT HAVE TO.
He has been more on my mind lately, and my Patriarchal blessing, my blessings, my purpose in this life and such things. I have found a few purposes, that I like to write about in this post.
First of all, Temple work.
I am adopted. I come from a family who do not know about the Gospel. YET. I have decided to do a lot of family history work and go to the Temple to do work for my biological family members who have already passed. I am proud of my heritage. My musicality is from my Father.
Second, help the ones who are "outside".
I am part of many minorities. I know this has a meaning. I am a Christian, member of the Church of Jesus Christ. I am a Swedish-speaking Finn. I am a person, with mental health problems. I have been bullied at school, in Church, at the gym etc. Yesterday two teens yelled swear words at me. Yeah, the list goes on... My job in this world is to break the stigma and assumptions people have of these groups of people. I am different. But there is a purpose in it.
Those are some of my thoughts for today.
More later!
Sunday, December 29, 2019
Tuesday, December 24, 2019
Merry Christmas!
Hello there and Happy Christmas!
Sorry I didn't post every Sunday... It will be my goal for 2020. I have too many blogs lol.
This time Christmas has been a bit different. My parents are in their home in another town and I'm here in my home in my city. My auntie came yesterday and is staying until the 27th. I have been alone before on Christmas, at least nearly alone... But this time it's good that my auntie is here.
This year has been really rough. Mentally, physically and spiritually. Mentally: I have been worse a couple of times and spent a while in the hospital. Now the doctor is changing my medicine. The anxiety I have experienced has been horrible. Physically: My back has been hurting and I have difficulties walking. I have a "walker"... Spiritually: I have been going to Church every Sunday. I have been hanging in there, trying to hold on and be the best I can be. People in Church is the reason I get anxiety, and my illness. The Church is good, the Gospel is awesome, God is great. Just the people who are supposed to try to be good, don't always measure up. Neither do I! I am not perfect. They are not perfect. I wish they would try harder. I'm trying so hard it's wearing me out. My illness doesn't help one bit.
I know, I cannot blame people for being people. It's just that how far can bullying and judging go, before someone steps between and puts and end to it? Thank goodness I have many good friends in Church too. It's just that a few have been absolutely disgusting towards me... They think they're Really Good People. They smile and hug me and ask me how I'm doing... I really feel sorry for them. They are living in some kind of bubble.
Despite of all these trials, my Faith has been strengthened a lot. It has been hanging by a thread. It has been awful. I turn 40 next year, and maybe I'm having a "crisis" lol. I will try to become strong again. I have had a really big test of Faith. I hope to climb out of this rut. This Christmas I'm focusing on things that are important and try to pray a lot.
More later!
Sorry I didn't post every Sunday... It will be my goal for 2020. I have too many blogs lol.
This time Christmas has been a bit different. My parents are in their home in another town and I'm here in my home in my city. My auntie came yesterday and is staying until the 27th. I have been alone before on Christmas, at least nearly alone... But this time it's good that my auntie is here.
This year has been really rough. Mentally, physically and spiritually. Mentally: I have been worse a couple of times and spent a while in the hospital. Now the doctor is changing my medicine. The anxiety I have experienced has been horrible. Physically: My back has been hurting and I have difficulties walking. I have a "walker"... Spiritually: I have been going to Church every Sunday. I have been hanging in there, trying to hold on and be the best I can be. People in Church is the reason I get anxiety, and my illness. The Church is good, the Gospel is awesome, God is great. Just the people who are supposed to try to be good, don't always measure up. Neither do I! I am not perfect. They are not perfect. I wish they would try harder. I'm trying so hard it's wearing me out. My illness doesn't help one bit.
I know, I cannot blame people for being people. It's just that how far can bullying and judging go, before someone steps between and puts and end to it? Thank goodness I have many good friends in Church too. It's just that a few have been absolutely disgusting towards me... They think they're Really Good People. They smile and hug me and ask me how I'm doing... I really feel sorry for them. They are living in some kind of bubble.
Despite of all these trials, my Faith has been strengthened a lot. It has been hanging by a thread. It has been awful. I turn 40 next year, and maybe I'm having a "crisis" lol. I will try to become strong again. I have had a really big test of Faith. I hope to climb out of this rut. This Christmas I'm focusing on things that are important and try to pray a lot.
More later!
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