Merry Christmas!

Hello there and Happy Christmas!

Sorry I didn't post every Sunday... It will be my goal for 2020. I have too many blogs lol.

This time Christmas has been a bit different. My parents are in their home in another town and I'm here in my home in my city. My auntie came yesterday and is staying until the 27th. I have been alone before on Christmas, at least nearly alone... But this time it's good that my auntie is here.

This year has been really rough. Mentally, physically and spiritually. Mentally: I have been worse a couple of times and spent a while in the hospital. Now the doctor is changing my medicine. The anxiety I have experienced has been horrible. Physically: My back has been hurting and I have difficulties walking. I have a "walker"... Spiritually: I have been going to Church every Sunday. I have been hanging in there, trying to hold on and be the best I can be. People in Church is the reason I get anxiety, and my illness. The Church is good, the Gospel is awesome, God is great. Just the people who are supposed to try to be good, don't always measure up. Neither do I! I am not perfect. They are not perfect. I wish they would try harder. I'm trying so hard it's wearing me out. My illness doesn't help one bit.

I know, I cannot blame people for being people. It's just that how far can bullying and judging go, before someone steps between and puts and end to it? Thank goodness I have many good friends in Church too. It's just that a few have been absolutely disgusting towards me... They think they're Really Good People. They smile and hug me and ask me how I'm doing... I really feel sorry for them. They are living in some kind of bubble.

Despite of all these trials, my Faith has been strengthened a lot. It has been hanging by a thread. It has been awful. I turn 40 next year, and maybe I'm having a "crisis" lol. I will try to become strong again. I have had a really big test of Faith. I hope to climb out of this rut. This Christmas I'm focusing on things that are important and try to pray a lot.

More later!