Are you there God? It's me, Cindy...

 Hello there! 

During the last few years in my personal life, I have had a lot of trials and some difficulties I honestly didn't think I would ever experience. I have kind of had a little faith crisis because of them. I didn't understand why they are happening to me. I know, such a cliché thing to say... But I really felt like I was completely alone. The illness that was prevalent during the last few years didn't help. I had to be alone. I had to stay home alone a lot. My anxiety was high and I had some visits to the hospital too. 

Now, on the other hand, I am feeling a lot better. I haven't been to the hospital since October 2023! :D That is a new record in a long time. I have gained a lot of self confidence, I know myself better, I have finally started to become an adult.

Needless to say, my faith has been fortified a lot. Like, so much.

I read the book of Mormon more often, I remember to pray more, I have decided to:

TRUST GOD

CHOOSE THE RIGHT 

BE BRAVE

I have made my own kind of spiritual quote...

"Overcome all your trials by trusting God, being brave and choosing the right".

But what do you do if you don't trust God? What if you don't even believe there is a God? What if you are afraid? Where can you go, who can you trust? I have friends who have a lot of illness and difficulties. I want to support them and be their friend. I think that's my purpose and task here during my life.

Because I have been having trials too. I have experienced bullying at school, I have become ill on my mini mission and subsequently spent eight months in the mental hospital in my area. I was 17 years old. People have not understood my health problems, because they are not visible. 

For five years my back has been hurting a lot, even longer but in August 2019 I got a walker. I used it a lot, because I had bad balance, pains and my scoliosis made it feel like my back was kind of tilting backwards. It all started to change last year... I met some really lovely new friends and they lifted me to another level, so to speak. I fell back a little now and then, my progress was slow at times. This spring my pains were so bad that I used a wheelchair outside and my friends helped me get around. 

Then another miracle happened. My faith in humanity, God and myself was kind of restored. I met some new wonderful friends and they changed my life some more, in a very huge and positive way. I didn't feel so depressed anymore, my anxiety was and is mostly gone and I got good medication, that has helped me loose weight so now I can walk a lot more without my walker! I haven't needed my wheelchair for a few months now either.

This all has been made possible by the fact that God loves me and has given me the strength I needed.

I have gotten a few awesome blessings from God through my friends the missionaries who have been so important to me. They are so important in fact, that my patriarchal blessing mentions them twice. I was made to be a friend of the missionaries and we cheer each other along.

I needed to learn a few things, still do, but I needed and still need to develop more trust in God. I need to learn how to forgive and how to love others the way God loves us all. This is no easy feat! If you think so, maybe think again lol.

Thinking is good, but I am free most days, because I am on early retirement and have a little too much time to think. It is not good either, for anyone, the least for someone like me who overthinks all the time and worries too much. Some things that help are writing, music and reading.

Faith is important. Often when I wonder what I believe, I just think about that I really WANT to believe. And that helps me get back on track. There are so many different differences between people and they get emphasized often. I think instead of looking at differences, we should focus on our good things that we have in common, the difficulties we have in common, so we can help each other understand others. It is not easy, but it is definitely worth it.

More later!

When you believe

 Good morning!

Today I have something to say about how faith can move personal mountains in each of our lives.

We are all equal and valuable. Everyone on this Earth has an inherent value, a priceless value and we all have the potential for greatness. We all can move mountains in out lives and make our lives better, enjoy our life whatever the circumstances, but many times it is really freaking difficult to be happy and grateful at all times.

We all have different set of difficulties. Some of us are in really difficult circumstances and it seems impossible to be grateful or happy. I often think it is so unfair that we're all kind of given the same commandment to become better, when some of us have so many trials and can't even live long enough to learn how to become better or really enjoy life.

This is a thing I have been thinking about a lot lately.

If we're all on the same starting point, why do some people die early, suffer through pain and hunger, war and abuse? I have not quite found the answer to that one. I am sorry. But I know that when we leave this Earth, we will be healed in the afterlife, at least I personally think there must be some good hospital and doctors to take care of us, or we will never be happy and feel fulfilled, even in the afterlife.

So, no matter your trauma, difficulties and struggles, we will be healed at some point. Our spirits and minds will be ready to be resurrected at some point and both our spirit and body will be at its optimal form. 

Therefore, when we are faced with mountains of trials and difficulties here during our lives, we can feel peace and trust God that it will all be fixed and made perfect at some point. I know this has to be true or God wouldn't be fair and just. 

I started to try to feel more grateful and happy a few years ago, and it has made all the difference.

I got more things to be grateful for, more reasons to be happy and smile.

This isn't always easy. I even try to be grateful for my difficulties! It is amazing how that has changed my life. Now I know God loves me and wants me to grow and learn. I know to some that doesn't seem like a blessing, to constantly be bombarded with trials and problems. I have felt that way. But it will shift at some point and you will feel joy.

A big change starts with small steps. I have written in my #give thanks# journal since 2010 often and it has helped me a lot. Also keeping a prayer journal, where I write my prayers sometimes, has helped me so much. I don't always write in these, and sometimes it's so dark and depressing in my life, that I feel like I can never go on from this situation. But I have always been able to. There is always a new dawn. There is always a fresh beginning. I truly believe and know this to be true.

Happy new year! (new year's advice for myself)

 Good morning from Finland! 

When the year of 2024 started, I was on a short cruise with my friend and we watched on TV in our cabin when the new year arrived first in Finland and then in Sweden. We were on a cruise from Åbo to Stockholm. Really lovely ship (Viking line m/s Grace) and the best service ever! They are really helpful and kind.

I wrote in my notebook some advice for myself for 2024.

My motto for 2024: TRUST GOD.

My own advice for 2024:

Live in the moment

loose weight 10-15 kilograms

save money

read the Book of Mormon every day

Be brave, choose the right

don't judge anyone

be kind

develop:

-spiritually

-emotionally

-mentally

-intellectually

So far I have listened to the book of mormon yesterday on the 2nd of January 2024. I am going to try to follow all my own advice . Wish me luck! :) I used to make new year's promises but they have never actually helped me because I can't follow my promises 100%  and get easily discouraged...

More later!

Good Sabbath Day from Finland! :)

 Good morning!

Welcome back to my spiritual blog! 

I started a new kinda religion themed blog this spring: 

https://swefinnmissionarybonusmom.blogspot.com/

It's about me and my missionary family! :) I started adopting missionaries in 2021... Take a gander at my blog, there you can see when and why etc. I love the missionaries, always have and always will. They bring so much joy to my life. (Of course they have almost all left back home now, but there's always new ones arriving.

I have just learned that it is not common for members in the church to have a lot of friends outside the church? I didn't know that was a thng... I have always had friends outside of church. First of all, there were  no other mormons in my school (svenska samksolan, the Swedsh school here in my city, the only Swedish school here) and I have been to the hospital often during my life, I have found friends there too. And all my friends from church are working and I am on early retirement. They don't have time to meet me but I have a lot of time.

It's not good for me to be always alone, I can get anxiety and feel really bad.

That being said, I love to be alone at times. More time to think. :D

I have been feeling weird lately, my health has been weird lol. I feel a little better now.

I have been in a scripture-reading slump for a long time, I don't know where to start/continue... It is really challenging. I have a lesson next week on Sunday in Gathered in, the group for all European singles aged 31+. I am 43 so I fit the requirements lol. I will talk about some books in the New Testamment. I had the choice to choose my area and I chose those. My friend from Norway: Josef, will be my voice.

More later! :)

Hi...

Hello!

I'm back, yo! :) I have been updating my other blogs, sorry that I have forgotten a little about you...

I started a blog about me reading the entire Bible, from cover to cover, no time schedule, no hurry, no worry... It is a project that I have been starting with my friend. So far I have read Matt.1-3. I am really slow, I know. But with the Bible, it's good to take things slow. Here is the blog:

https://thebibleandcinders.blogspot.com/

I want to really savor and learn and ponder everything in the Bible, so it is completely fine to read only a few chapters a week. Yeah. I am happy I finally started this project. I cannot count the times I have read the Book of Mormon or Doctrine and Covenants... MANY: Every year I listen, continually, to the Book of Mormon with my Dad. He lives in another town, but we call each other and I put the Book of Mormon audio on from:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/?lang=eng

We listen to it in English, because there are no other languages available and we want to read it in the "original language". lol. If you a Mormon, you know what I mean lol. Yeah, I know it sounds weird. I am weird. lol

I have had a really good week so far. I have prayed a little more than "usual". I swear, I was in a kind of prayer-slump last year... It was awful. I felt so much and such severe anxiety, it was almost impossible to pray. When 2020 arrived, it eased up. I pray in my mind mostly and mostly in Swedish, which is my first native tongue. I love prayer and I also have a prayer journal, but I haven't written in it all of 2020. It has been a while... I also have a gratitude journal. Same there. Have not written in it for a loooong while. Sorry. It is awful.

Then I have about 100 000 spiritual journals. lol. Just kidding, maybe like 10-15. I write mostly in English. It has become my "spiritual language". I had a talk at church last Sunday. I did not speak, my friend S read it out loud. Many people liked it. I might post it here. But be ye warned: it is in Finnish. lol

More later!

Hello!

Hi there!

This year has started very well indeed. I have been feeling better and more spiritual. At home and at Church. The Gospel teaches us to focus on the home, have family home evenings etc. I always get a little sad when they say that at Church. Like: "Get married young, have lots of kids etc." I'm like: "SURE." Whatever. It makes me sad. I cannot count the times people have tried to "help me". They really think I need to hear for the umpteenth time, that "The time will come, when you will get married. etc." Yeah. Really? HAHA. They really do not know me. They think I'm one of those "desperado sisters". Well, newsflash: If I was ever a "desperado sister" I most certainly am not anymore. MY DAD SAID: ONLY MARRY FOR LOVE. Now, that is something many sisters and brothers in the Church need to take in. How ever clever, smart, handsome whatever, a man thinks he is, he cannot change a lady's heart to love him! Especially if he thinks a little too highly of himself. LOL. Some men think they are God's gift to the world. Sorry, but not sorry, they are not.

There are so many different aspect to this thing we call LOVE. I lived in Sweden. Obviously, I was pretty ugly compared to those super-models... But it was good, because now I realize, I really didn't love any of my so-called crushes back then. HA! That is awful, but true...It felt good to be young in Stockholm. It is a lovely city, my heart will always have a place for Stockholm. Forever.

It is kinda fun to know some things about oneself, that people could never guess. For example, I have played the piano since I was 16 and have taught myself that. Nowadays, when I play on Sundays before the meetings, afterwards, at least two people come to me every Sunday and say: "What!? You can play the piano?!?" It is so fun. When people have pegged you for a really stupid, uneducated, mentally very ill person, with no talents, it feels good as heck to show off just a little. LOL

Same with men. So many people are like: "Cindy is so ill, no one will ever love her, she is so sick and fat and etc." Well, then when I have had boyfriends they're like: "That dude she is dating is HOT!" I'm like: "what did you expect?" LOL: Yes, sure, because I'm a little round and have pimples still, even though I'm 39, I do not deserve any less the same as you." Besides, beauty is inside and in the eye of the beholder.

Other thing that bothers me, is when people think they know the whole story. They are like: "Watch out for this or that!" or "Don't do that because it's like this..." How do they know every aspect of my life?!? I'm like:"I'm gonna eat this candy and it's my choice"... LOL.

But, seriously, showing off to people who think you are not worthy of love, have low IQ or something, that is the BEST. And they do not know anything about being you. True story.

Happy New Year!

Hello there!

I am sorry I did not write yesterday. I forgot and was tired. Our ward schedule changed. Now the meetings that I attend start 10.00 a.m. It is a bit early, because I need to leave home before 09.00 am. I play the piano before the meeting starts and I like to be early. Yesterday it was fun to play the piano. Many people who have thought me to have inferior intelligence, saw that I am not as stupid as they might think. It is amazing. A little pressing of black and white keys and suddenly you are not that bad! lol I still like the people best, who support me before they find out I am intelligent lol. Most of all, people who treat everyone the same, high iq, mental health issues or not. I have all kind of friends and I try to treat them the same. It is part of living with integrity. Be true, be yourself and treat everyone with respect.

Yesterday was the fast- and testimony -meeting. I bore my testimony as the first one of this decade in Tampere 1st ward. LOL. It was a really nice meeting. My friends were sitting next to me and everything was great. I am so happy and grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ. It is the best. Yesterday I really felt this. I felt happiness and calm and peace.

Now I am listening to the soundtrack to The Muppets Christmas Carol -movie. It is really uplifting and beautiful, fun too.

Today I have been trying to continue my well-begun happy and spiritual new year 2020. It is so wonderful. To be alive, to be relatively healthy, to be pretty young still, to have friends, family, cats... I love music, books, my hobbies and everything lovely and good thing that are a part of my life. Life is good.

More later!