Hello there!
During the last few years in my personal life, I have had a lot of trials and some difficulties I honestly didn't think I would ever experience. I have kind of had a little faith crisis because of them. I didn't understand why they are happening to me. I know, such a cliché thing to say... But I really felt like I was completely alone. The illness that was prevalent during the last few years didn't help. I had to be alone. I had to stay home alone a lot. My anxiety was high and I had some visits to the hospital too.
Now, on the other hand, I am feeling a lot better. I haven't been to the hospital since October 2023! :D That is a new record in a long time. I have gained a lot of self confidence, I know myself better, I have finally started to become an adult.
Needless to say, my faith has been fortified a lot. Like, so much.
I read the book of Mormon more often, I remember to pray more, I have decided to:
TRUST GOD
CHOOSE THE RIGHT
BE BRAVE
I have made my own kind of spiritual quote...
"Overcome all your trials by trusting God, being brave and choosing the right".
But what do you do if you don't trust God? What if you don't even believe there is a God? What if you are afraid? Where can you go, who can you trust? I have friends who have a lot of illness and difficulties. I want to support them and be their friend. I think that's my purpose and task here during my life.
Because I have been having trials too. I have experienced bullying at school, I have become ill on my mini mission and subsequently spent eight months in the mental hospital in my area. I was 17 years old. People have not understood my health problems, because they are not visible.
For five years my back has been hurting a lot, even longer but in August 2019 I got a walker. I used it a lot, because I had bad balance, pains and my scoliosis made it feel like my back was kind of tilting backwards. It all started to change last year... I met some really lovely new friends and they lifted me to another level, so to speak. I fell back a little now and then, my progress was slow at times. This spring my pains were so bad that I used a wheelchair outside and my friends helped me get around.
Then another miracle happened. My faith in humanity, God and myself was kind of restored. I met some new wonderful friends and they changed my life some more, in a very huge and positive way. I didn't feel so depressed anymore, my anxiety was and is mostly gone and I got good medication, that has helped me loose weight so now I can walk a lot more without my walker! I haven't needed my wheelchair for a few months now either.
This all has been made possible by the fact that God loves me and has given me the strength I needed.
I have gotten a few awesome blessings from God through my friends the missionaries who have been so important to me. They are so important in fact, that my patriarchal blessing mentions them twice. I was made to be a friend of the missionaries and we cheer each other along.
I needed to learn a few things, still do, but I needed and still need to develop more trust in God. I need to learn how to forgive and how to love others the way God loves us all. This is no easy feat! If you think so, maybe think again lol.
Thinking is good, but I am free most days, because I am on early retirement and have a little too much time to think. It is not good either, for anyone, the least for someone like me who overthinks all the time and worries too much. Some things that help are writing, music and reading.
Faith is important. Often when I wonder what I believe, I just think about that I really WANT to believe. And that helps me get back on track. There are so many different differences between people and they get emphasized often. I think instead of looking at differences, we should focus on our good things that we have in common, the difficulties we have in common, so we can help each other understand others. It is not easy, but it is definitely worth it.
More later!
